We have been asking the question since we passed intricately folded notes across our 8th grade classroom: does he like you or does he like like you? Trying to figure out the signs that a man is attracted to you can feel like trying to figure out the signs in the movie Signs.
The truth is that some men are very direct when they are attracted to a woman. They say it out loud or show it with actions as they try to win your heart. Other guys, however, are a little more shy, and they can be harder to read.
Here’s how to crack the code of a guy whose attraction level you can’t quite get a fix on.
1) He usually initiates contact
One of the top signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he is usually the one to initiate contact. He may not always call or text first, but he usually does.
When a man likes you, he wants to see you again and talk to you again.
And even when he tries to hide it, it’s obvious when you look for the clues.
Take a look through your private messages and texts:
Who’s texting who first?
Is it you, or is it him?
Is he texting you with statements or questions that invite further conversation?
How many times has he contacted you in the last week?
Now zoom out on your message thread and just look at the chunks of text as if they were a modern art piece.
Who has the bigger blocks or are they both fairly tit-for-tat?
This can tell you a lot about who’s displaying the most interest at this point in your interaction.
2) He lets his touch linger
Another one of the crucial telltale signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he lets his touch linger.
He may lightly brush your hand with his, or hold it for a moment longer than necessary while talking to you.
This can also be anything from holding your hand during an awkward silence in conversation to touching your back or shoulder as you walk past him.
Is this just a friendly touch? Don’t be so sure…
This is one of those subtle signals that men use when they are trying to let women know they find them attractive without actually saying it.
And yes, speaking as a guy, we have all done this before at some point in our lives!
So pay attention, because if he’s letting his touch linger, he probably has some more-than-friends feelings for you!
3) He competes for your attention
One of the other top signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he competes for your attention.
Whether it’s at work, as friends, or in the other contexts you meet, he’s always trying to get – and hold – your interest.
The question is:
Do you share his interest or not?
Far too often, even when we have feelings for someone we end up being disappointed by the relationship that comes out of it and our own experiences in love.
That brings up an important subject:
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with the first stages of dating someone it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless.
You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us. Many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like having people into us who we’re not into, and vice versa…
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to attracting the person we want!
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
4) He seems to be always online
Another one of the can’t-miss signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he always seems to be online when you are.
He may not be messaging you or calling you on the phone, but he’ll still be checking up on you via social media, or through texts.
Now, I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that these signs are easy to overanalyze or imagine.
If you already like a guy, you might start reading into his behavior and making it personal when he’s not.
Maybe he’s online because he’s got the hots for someone else entirely.
How do you know?
The truth is this:
One of the signs in this list is not sufficient to indicate that a guy secretly has a crush on you.
But if more than 50% of these signs in this list are showing up then you can be sure he does and you’re not just imagining or wishing the situation into being.
5) He looks up to you and admires you
If you’re looking for signs he is secretly attracted to you, look for how he talks and acts around you.
One of the classics tells that he’s got romantic feelings for you is that he clearly admires you and thinks of you as being in a different league.
He praises you and sees you as some kind of wonder woman, and to hear him talk about it, you hung the moon…
When someone says they think you are special or beautiful, it means that they see you differently than everyone else does.
Or sometimes it means they just want to get into your pants or under your skirt.
The key to telling the difference is to note how he talks about you to others.
On the flip side, if he only seems to like you when no one else is around, this could be a sign he doesn’t want anyone else to know how much he likes you.
He may even go so far as to avoid any social situations where you might run into each other.
6) He wants to know everything about you
Another one of the big signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he’s extremely curious about you.
In fact, he probably asks you questions that are way too personal for him to ask someone he isn’t romantically interested in.
For example, if you two have been talking for a while and you tell him you don’t drink alcohol, he may keep asking you why.
Maybe he’s hoping you’ll give up something juicy that would reveal you’re not as wholesome as he thought you were.
On the flip side, if he goes out of his way to show you things that he knows you’d love, like a concert or sporting event, this can also be his way of getting to your heart.
Or maybe he invites you over to watch a movie in a genre he knows you love, but you can clearly tell he doesn’t really care for the film.
This could be a sign he’s trying to make sure you enjoy yourself and appeal to your interests.
Just remember, his curiosity about you can be a classic indicator of interest.
Curiosity not only killed the cat, but it also got quite a few couples together!
7) His shoulder is always there for you to cry on
Many guys, myself included, have had situations where we wanted to date a girl but instead got friendzoned.
But there are a lot of misconceptions about the so-called friendzone.
One of the most common misconceptions is that it happens when a guy is too nice or understanding to a female friend.
The truth is that plenty of kind and understanding men have gone from being friends to being a romantic partner with a woman.
The key is that there has to be some romantic tension and a clear expression of some kind of romantic interest.
One of the top signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he’s always there as a shoulder to cry on.
You know you can trust and confide in him.
Whether he chooses to let that become “just friends” and is too shy to ever declare his feelings for you, or he takes a step and lets you know early on that he sees you as potentially more than a friend is entirely up to him.
8) He remembers what you tell him
Another of the big signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he remembers what you tell him.
Names, dates, likes, dislikes, even that one time you had a crazy experience as a kid at Disneyland.
He’s got it all there in his memory banks.
This is especially true if he takes the time to remember little details about you that you’ve shared from your upbringing or home environment.
For example, if you told him you loved your grandmother’s homemade spaghetti sauce, he may bring home a jar of that style of sauce from the grocery store and cook it for dinner.
These are definitely the actions of a guy who wants to be more than friends if you ask me.
9) He treats you well
I’m going to be honest with you. There are some guys who are just jerks.
Or at least they have so many issues that they’re nowhere near ready for a healthy adult relationship.
They seem to have it all together on the outside, but deep down, they’re miserable, insecure men who only get pleasure from playing with the emotions of those around them.
This includes romance, where they will play all sorts of mind games and engage in ruthless emotional manipulation.
That’s why this next sign is so important:
One of the secret signs that a man is attracted to you is that he treats you with a level of respect that you aren’t used to.
It’s sad to say that in this day and age we’re in a pretty sex-obsessed and rude society.
But a man who’s truly attracted to you beyond your physical appearance is going to make an effort to treat you well and respect you.
Shouldn’t men be doing this at all times even with women they’re not attracted to?
The answer is: absolutely!
The truth is: sadly, they don’t always do that.
So watch out for a man who’s going the extra distance in treating you like a lady, because it could well be that he wants you to be his lady.
10) His gaze is locked on you
One of the other most important signs he is secretly attracted to you is in the way he looks at you and how much he looks at you.
If he keeps looking at you, he might be interested in getting to know you better. And even though this isn’t always a definite sign of attraction, it’s definitely worth paying attention to.
If he stares at you for longer than normal, this could be a sign he is attracted to you.
But keep in mind, there are other reasons he might stare at you besides being attracted to you.
It could mean he’s bored, or nervous, or trying to figure out what you’re thinking.
So pay close attention to how he looks at you and be honest about the “vibes” you get.
Is it friendly or creepy?
Would you enjoy looking into his eyes for ten minutes straight or would you start to feel repulsed or bored?
This can tell you a lot about your level of attraction to him as well.
11) He behaves differently to you than to other friends
Another one of the top signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he behaves differently to you than he does to other friends.
He’s a bit more shy, jumpy, and self-conscious around you.
He opens the door for you and smiles guiltily when you make eye contact.
He may look like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
This is the look of a man who’s ready to commit, make no mistake.
Of course, if he’s just playing around and trying to seduce you it’s a different matter entirely.
Some men are masters at romance until they roll over after sleeping with you.
Then they become masters at dressing rapidly and exiting the building.
If that’s what you’re dealing with, it can seem hopeless.
But I’ve found a solution to avoidant men who get freaked out by commitment.
This advice is outstanding and has helped several female friends of mine to establish serious and meaningful relationships in their lives.
I’ve found through relationship guru, Michael Fiore, how to make even the most commitment-phobic man want to stay with you.
Check out this wonderful free video to see how to use science-based techniques to make him love you, so much so that he never wants to be apart from you again.
12) He loves your sense of humor
One of the other big signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he laughs his butt off at your jokes.
No matter what you say, he’s chuckling like you’re God’s gift to the human race.
A man who is genuinely amused by you is a rare find, so pay attention to how he responds to you.
Some men will pretend to find a woman funny to get sex, but pay attention to the details:
One of the telltale signs that he truly enjoys your sense of humor is that he chimes in with his own jokes.
And no matter how lame they are, you can tell that he’s trying!
This means his appreciation of your comedic talents (and attraction to you) is for real, and not just for flattery or fast-track seduction.
13) He’s highly curious about what makes you tick
One of the telltale signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he really wants to know about your core values and what makes you tick.
He wants to know what you believe in, what matters to you, and what you stand for.
If he asks you these kinds of questions, then you can bet he’s into you.
This can include questions like:
- What did you want to be as a kid?
- What are your religious or spiritual beliefs?
- Do you care about politics and if so, what are some of your views?
- What have been some of your challenges in life and things which have been unique to your experiences?
There are all the types of questions a man will ask when he has a particularly strong attraction to you.
14) He notices your style updates
Another one of the classic signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he notices changes in your appearance and style with a hawk eye.
Is that a new tint of color in your hair? A stylish new fall blouse? He’s so on it…
He’s trying to figure out if you’re dressing up for him or if you’re just doing it to look nice for yourself.
When you’re around him, you might notice that he also tries to compliment you in subtle ways.
This can even be as subtle as just raising his eyebrows a bit in appreciation when you walk in the room in new, stylish pants.
Or when you take off a silk scarf that catches his eye.
Let’s put it this way:
It’s clear that your scarf isn’t the only thing which has gotten his interest.
15) He’s not talking about other women
When a man is just playing the field and not really into you, you will often hear him mention other women in passing or flirt in a more sexual way.
But when he’s trying to play it a little more cool and secretly likes you in a more serious way, you won’t hear him talking about other women.
The reason is that he’s interested in you.
Sure, there are “dating gurus” out there who tell guys that they should intentionally make a woman jealous and talk about other chicks…
They say that mind games are the way to a woman’s heart.
But a high-quality man who’s worth your time knows that this will only attract low-quality, insecure women.
For that reason, he’s not interested in any games.
And he isn’t going to fake some romantic life with other girls that he doesn’t have.
If he is dating someone, he’s going to downplay it or not mention it much, out of fear of spooking you away.
16) His teasing goes beyond the friend level
If a guy teases you, it’s usually because he’s got some romantic or sexual interest in you.
Or maybe he’s teasing you because he thinks it will make you laugh. Either way, he’s showing you that he cares about your opinion and your reaction.
The best way to tell if his teasing is more than friendly, is to pay attention to how he acts around other girls.
If he seems to be flirting with them, chances are he’s not interested in you romantically.
He’s just a flirtatious guy playing the field.
On the other hand, if he treats you like a queen and teases you in a thousand sweet ways, and ignores other women, he’s probably interested in you.
17) His body language is off the charts
Body language often matters even more than verbal language, when it comes to attraction.
If his body language is showing certain signs, you can be quite confident that he’s secretly got the hots for you.
These signs include things like:
- Constantly trying to be physically closer to you when around you
- Making consistent eye contact with you
- Orienting his feet in your direction
- Licking his lips or biting his lips while looking at you or talking to you
- Rubbing his nose, hands or other nervous gestures around you
- Playing with his hair, blushing and looking like he’s having trouble breathing around you.
18) He asks your friends about you
Another one of the telling sign he is secretly attracted to you is when he asks your friends about you.
That’s especially true if he’s been trying to mine around for info on your love life with those who know you.
Why would he do that if he wasn’t interested in you?
It’s one of the most common ways for a shy guy to try to get the inside line.
He wants to know your relationship status and more about you before he takes the plunge and asks you out.
19) He’s curious about your love life
Another one of the big signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he asks you about your love life.
Maybe he’s just trying to get to know you better, but it could also be a sign that he’s trying to figure out if you’re single or not.
He will often ask about your love life in indirect ways, such as implying that you must be “busy” on Friday night…
Or talking about other couples you know and mentioning how happy they must be.
He’s giving you a cue to open up in some way about your own love life or opinions on romantic matters.
20) He’s jealous of you showing attention to other guys
Another one of the classic signs he is secretly attracted to you is that he gets jealous when you give attention to other guys.
He doesn’t like you talking to them or about them.
He won’t always vocalize this, but it’s often obvious in his behavior and reactions.
He’s clearly not cool with you potentially being into anyone but him.
21) He wants to talk to you as much as possible
Some guys are just super chatty.
I know that, because I can be that way myself!
But if he always wants to talk to you, it’s probably because he’s got a crush on you.
On the other hand, if there’s a guy who usually loves talking to you and he’s clamming up, take note…
If he is acting weirdly, or suddenly becomes distant, this could be a sign he is hiding his feelings.
There are many reasons why a guy might act differently around you. It could be because he is feeling nervous, or because he feels guilty for liking you or unworthy of your interest.
22) You’ve seen him before
No, I’m not talking about him stalking you.
I’m saying that you’ve literally seen him before in a drawing.
The thing about finding “the one” is that it can be a super confusing experience.
Some people go their whole life without really being sure.
But there’s a love secret that actually works which few people know about.
It sounds hokey on the surface, but the results speak for themselves, and it worked for me.