How often do married couples have sex? Is there a set average number of times per week? Should you be planning sex? When it comes to your sex drive, sex after marriage is something you must focus on.
People aren’t kidding when they say that marriage changes things in the bedroom, but it might not be in the way you think. The reason your sex life lags a little when you’re married is that you’ve been together for a while. How often do married couples have sex, anyway? Is it once a month? Three times per month? Ten times a year?
It really depends on the couple. Some people let a sex rut come into their lives without doing anything about it and only have sex once a week, if that.
Others, however, decide to take action and do something about their sex lives, and for that reason, they have sex a lot more.
People have the misconception that being married is having boring sex or no sex at all, but that can’t possibly be true! After all, isn’t one of the best parts of being married knowing that you can have hot sex with someone you’re really into whenever you want for the rest of your lives?
There are no hard and fast rules for how often a couple should be having sex, yet revealing how many times you and your partner get it on no doubt garners nods of judgment from your friends.
How much sex is enough, and are married couples really at the bottom of the lusty food chain?
An active and healthy sex life is crucial to a happy marriage
Without being close and intimate in the bedroom, you won’t be close out of the bedroom. You’ve heard it time and time again, yet it still holds as much truth and value as it did the first time you heard it.
Couples bond through sex. Yes, you can bond outside of the bedroom, but when you have an active sex life, you’re more likely to be comfortable. When you’re extremely comfortable with your partner, you’re far more likely to communicate better.
We all know how important that is for a healthy relationship.
The other benefits of regular sex with your partner include the following:
1. Maintains a close and unique bond/connection between the two of you
2. Lowers stress levels
3. Improves sleep
4. Relieves tension in the relationship
5. Leads to sexual satisfaction
How much sex do married people have? The statistical truth
You’re reading this because you want to know how many times per week married couples make love. Different couples may have different average numbers of times per week. There are many factors to consider, such as age and how long you’ve been married.
However, one study found that thirteen percent of married couples have sex just a few times per year, forty-five percent have sex a few times per month, thirty-four percent reported two to three times per week, and seven percent reported four or more times per week.
If you’re married, you probably fit yourself in one of those categories. But is the category you’re in not where you want to be? You can change that.
Reasons why couples have sex less
You’re keen to know how often married couples have sex, and now you have a general idea. You may feel that you need to work on something, but before you change anything, you need to work out what the problem is.
This can be harder than you think, but a few of the most common reasons for dwindling sex after marriage include:
Stress changes everything in your life until the stress is received. When you’re stressed, you can’t think of anything other than the problem at hand, and it causes you to disconnect from everything and everyone around you.
Sex might also go out the window.
- Body insecurity
Our bodies change over time. This is just a fact of life. However, how you feel about those changes can have a drastic effect on your confidence and whether or not you want to have sex.
You might also worry that your partner won’t like the way your body looks, which further compounds the problem. That’s one of the reasons why some people start to worry and question how often married couples have sex.
3. Chronic medical issues
Some medical problems can cause the libido to drop and actually have sex in the first place. The same goes for certain medications, too.
4. Smart devices
There’s nothing sexy about a pinging smartphone while you’re trying to get it on. If you’re addicted to your phones, it’s going to drastically affect your life in many ways, including your sex life.
5. Waning connection
If you’re not communicating and your connection is weaker than it used to be, it’s going to affect how you feel about having sex with your partner. It can also be a stressful situation, which makes everything worse.
The ironic thing is that less sex could be the cause of the lack of connection in the first place. This is one of the biggest issues with sex after marriage.
6. Family life
Family issues contribute to stress, and we already know that stress has a detrimental effect on your libido and desire to have sex with your partner. As such, you place sex at the bottom of your priority list.
If you’re asking, “How often do couples have sex?” and you think there’s a problem, it could be due to family life getting in the way of you getting it on.
7. Hormonal changes
Hormones can wreak havoc on so many things, including how sexy you feel. If your body is changing (e.g., menopause or pregnancy), it’s very likely to be the reason for hormonal imbalances.
Real stories from real married couples
Now that you know a few of the common problems with sex after marriage, let’s start to be a little more positive.
Still wondering how often married couples have sex? It depends. We’re going straight to the source on how often couples who tied the knot are getting tied up in their bed sheets.
Married one to nine years
1. “Married just over one year. I am nineteen and my husband is twenty-three. We have sex about three times a week. To be fair, we’re newlyweds with no kids, and I don’t work, so we have a lot of energy to burn!” – Samantha
2. “Married three years. I am twenty-two, and my wife is twenty-seven. My wife and I have sex about four times a week. Sometimes less if we’re exhausted. We both work and do not have children. We do have plenty of puppies, though!” -Jordan
3. “I am twenty-five, and my wife is twenty-six. No kids. My wife and I have been married for five years and have been together for six. For the first four years, we had sex every day, even when she was on her period. She couldn’t get enough. One week when we were first going out, we didn’t have sex due to my crazy work schedule, and she became really irritated with me. Now we have sex five days a week, every week, and it’s amazing.” – Ryan
4. “Married eight years. I am thirty-three, and my husband is thirty-four. We have one little girl who is three years old. My husband and I have sex whenever we can. I think we have more sex now than we did when we were first dating. Ever since hitting my thirties, all I want is him in bed all day and all night. I am even guilty of waking him in the middle of the night for a quickie!” -Jess
Married 10+ years
5. “Married ten years. I am thirty-eight, and he is thirty-nine. I have a son from a previous marriage, but he is fully grown. My husband and I have sex only on weekends. I’d say about twice a week or so. He has sexual performance anxiety, so twice a week has been our sexual history for as long as I can remember. My husband works a very physical job, so he is also very tired.” – Joan.
6. “Married twelve years. We are both thirty years old. We have four children all under eleven. When we were first together, we were sneaking around to have sex because we were young and didn’t want our parents to find out. Then, I got pregnant – whoops! Cat’s out of the bag! We got married after our little boy was born, and have since popped out three more kids. We have sex about twice a week if we’re lucky. It gets harder the more kids you have!” – Denise
Married 20+ years
7. “Married twenty-two years. I am fifty-three, and he is fifty-five. We never had sex. Ever. I have always been the one who initiates sex. The first ten years of our marriage were great, but then my husband’s libido took a nosedive, and he never wanted sex anymore. It’s been a downward spiral ever since.
We’ve done everything – Viagra, counseling, trying to spice it up in the bedroom. Nothing works, and he’s simply not interested in sex. I’ve been having an affair for five years. Honestly, I think my husband knows but would rather stay in our life together than confront me about it. Some days, I wish he would so that we could really work on things.” – Allison
8. “Married thirty-one years. I am fifty-one, and he is fifty-two. We have three adult children. When we first started going together, we had sex every single day. It was like this for about 20 years until my husband started going through a trying time at work. It caused a huge strain on our marriage since much of our marriage was about sex! We had three children and still managed to give each other daily orgasms.
After menopause, something strange happened. My libido finally cooled off, and my husband’s seemed to have returned! We have stayed together through this rough patch only because we have kept such open communication with each other. Now we have sex about once a week and are very happy.” – Mary
9. “Married thirty-five years, and we are both fifty-five. When we first started dating, my wife and I had sex several times a week, which was enough to make us both happy. I’d say that within the last ten years, I’d be lucky if we had sex ten times a year. It is a disastrous issue between us. When I bring it up, she apologizes, and we seem to have healthy conversations about it, but nothing ever changes.
She seems happy and satisfied after we do have sex, which leaves me confused. When the partner you chose to spend eternity with doesn’t want anything to do with you physically, it makes it very difficult to stay faithful.” – David
10. “Married forty years. I am fifty-eight, and he is sixty years old. We have five children, who are all grown. We have sex often. My husband and I have always been frisky with each other. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with, and I’m the only woman he’s ever been with. At least, I’d better be!
I remember us sneaking out into the backyard plastic pool for a little nookie once the kids would go to sleep. That pool has seen some naughty things. Now, we’re both approaching retirement and still kiss like teenagers. We have sex a couple of times a week. We may not be at it every night, but when we are at it, there are fireworks.” – Pearl.
How can not having enough sexual intimacy impact people?
From those stories, you can see that every couple has a different story. You can also see that not having regular sex tends to make couples unhappy, or at least one-half of the couple.
In a relationship, sex is required to keep you bonded together and as close as you can be. After all, without sex, you turn into family members or really good friends. That’s not what you got married for, is it?
However, from an individual point of view, months without sex can negatively impact your health. It can increase the chances of you developing depression and anxiety and cause problems with sleep. This is even worse if you’re constantly questioning why your partner doesn’t seem to want to have sex anymore.
The bottom line is that physical intimacy is important. Being without it can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. In some cases, it may even cause your immune system to weaken. Asking how often married couples have sex is a good way to start turning the situation around.
Does having less sex than usual mean people are not happy in their relationship?
You would think so, but a lack of sex doesn’t always mean you’re not happy anymore. As we’ve mentioned a few times already, it really depends on the couple. By that, we mean both people. Sex after marriage takes two!
If one person wants to have more sex than the other, it’s going to negatively affect their bond and cause major problems. However, if both people are happy with how much sex they’re having, everything’s fine.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is going bad if you’re not having sex every night. You need to find your happy medium – an amount that’s suitable for both of you. To do that, you need to communicate.
However, there’s no denying that a lack of regular sex and physical intimacy does not lead to a happy and thriving relationship, either. Asking how often married couples have sex is only one part of the picture. You need to work out your own situation and move from there.
How can you tell if you’re having enough sex after marriage?
If you’ve been wondering this question as you prepare for marriage or are feeling like your sex life is a little slow, we can help set things straight. Here’s how to know if you’re getting enough attention between the sheets.
The same study we mentioned earlier recounts the average number of times per year married couples have sex. That’s 365 days, and most married couples don’t even go beyond two digits.
How often do married couples have sex? Here are the stats
1. Couples between the ages of eighteen and twenty-nine averaged about 112 times per year or roughly twice a week.
2. Couples between the ages of thirty and thirty-nine averaged about eighty-six times per year or about seven times a month.
3. Couples between the ages of fifty and fifty-nine averaged about sixty-nine times a year or a little under six times a month.
However, you shouldn’t always compare your sex life to statistics. You can find out whether you’re having enough sex after marriage by thinking of these points.
1. You’re happy with the amount of sex you’re having
Are you good with how often you have sex? It’s fine to be satisfied even if you’re only having sex a couple of times a week. The main thing to think about is if you’re happy with the frequency of sex that you’re having.
If you are, you could just be here looking for some validation after a friend made a comment. No matter what, if you and your partner are happy with the sex, you’re definitely having enough. Even if your friend brags about having more, it doesn’t matter.
2. You don’t feel the need to masturbate often
Obviously, there will be that urge sometimes, and that’s perfectly normal. The problem arises if you’re frequently masturbating because you’re just not getting enough in the bedroom.
If you don’t really feel the need to do it very often at all, then you’re probably perfectly satisfied in bed.
3. You’d rather have sex than masturbate, anyway
This is a major sign that your sex life is in perfect working order. In fact, it’s extremely healthy if you’d rather wait to have sex with your partner than masturbate when you’re feeling horny.
This not only shows that your sex life is going well, but it also signifies your attraction and sexual desire to be intimate with your partner rather than just do it yourself.
4. You’re both initiating sex equally
If you’re always the person to initiate sex, it’s easy to feel like your significant other isn’t really into it. However, if you’re both initiating it equally, then you know that the desire to be intimate with one another is mutual.
So long as things are equal, your sex life is just fine.
5. You don’t have a low sex drive
When a person’s sex drive is low, it is often a result of a lack of sex, as strange as that sounds. Sex is kind of addicting in that way. The more you have it, the more you want it.
If you’re not having enough, your sex drive will naturally be lower. It could feel like you haven’t wanted sex in a really long time. On the flip side, if you’re having sex but still feeling horny often, it means you’re getting plenty.
6. You’re not fantasizing about someone else
This can often happen when couples don’t have enough sex. You’ll start to fantasize about getting laid, and it’s usually with someone else since your spouse isn’t doing the job.
If that’s not a problem and the only person you really think about having sex with is your significant other, you’re probably getting enough sex. Obviously, it’s okay to fantasize about someone else every now and then. If it’s the main thing you think about, however, it’s an issue.
7. You’re trying new things regularly
If you really want to know if your sex life is healthy, no matter your sexual frequency, all you really have to do is look at what you’re doing in bed. Are you doing the same thing over and over again, or are you trying new stuff?
If you’re actively trying new things pretty frequently, then you have a much healthier sex life than many other married couples. As long as you don’t feel bored and you’re satisfied in bed, your sex life is great.
8. You make time for it, even if you’re busy
Basically, prioritizing sex means that you’re having more than enough. Even if you’re both super busy with work and life, planning sex and getting intimate is a huge deal that shows you’re definitely taking sex seriously.
9. Your non-sex life is just as great
Believe it or not, how you feel about your partner outside of the bedroom says a lot about how they pleasure you between the sheets. If you’re really happy and things are going well, you’re probably having enough sex.
When you’re not, you’ll grow annoyed and start picking fights for no reason. Therefore, a healthy relationship outside of the bedroom is indicative of a healthy sex life, too.
10. You talk about sex regularly
This is a lot more important than you think. Couples who never discuss sex usually don’t have enough of it or aren’t having the sex they really want. If you’re flirting a lot and talking about how great the sex was, you’re both definitely satisfied.
How to have sex more often after a marriage
Now that you know the answer to how often married people have sex, don’t lose hope. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean it’ll all go downhill, or that you can’t have fun in the bedroom anymore.
If you think there’s some work to do, these pointers should get you where you both want to be.
1. Ask yourselves why you’re not having sex
Find the root of the problem. Is it just because you’re so busy with kids, work, and the house? Is it something deeper? Take some time to really look at why your sex life is in a slump.
Once you see the problem, work toward a solution.
2. Decide to put sex first
We’re taught to put kids first, but, in all honesty, you should be putting yourself and your marriage first. If not, how will you be able to raise your children in a happy and supportive home?
You need to make your relationship a priority right now, which means you’ll need to focus on sexy time. Make sure to have sex at least once a week.
3. Don’t be scared to go to the doctor
Depending on your age and health, it could be that your low sex drive is a hormonal issue. That can easily be fixed, so don’t feel ashamed to get a check-up with your doctor.
They could be the ones to kick-start your higher sex drive, and you can then work toward a higher quality of sex and a happier home.
4. There’s nothing wrong with couples therapy
If you’re not happy with your sex life, why not go to a sex and relationship therapist? You guys have obviously been together for some time, so the sex can naturally become routine and somewhat dull. Talking to a sex therapist helps you connect in different ways and shows you various techniques that you two can incorporate in the bedroom.
5. Act on the small feelings
We get it. Sometimes you don’t feel like having sex. But there are those times when you don’t want to, and your partner tries to warm you up and you’re suddenly in the mood. It’s like going to the gym.
You may not feel like it now, but once you get your running shoes and workout clothes on, you start feeling the vibe. So don’t be so quick to swat the hand away.
6. Show appreciation to your partner
When you’ve been with someone for a long period, you forget to show your love and appreciation to them. Of course, you love them and they know it, but you have to show it.
Tell your partner that they look sexy today, or surprise them with breakfast in bed. Sure, they’re small acts, but they hold a lot of weight.
7. Have a date night
With work, kids, and everything else, sometimes you just don’t have enough time. You may be thinking that date nights are kind of lame, but they’re not!
They’re a great way to take a step out of your daily grind and do something fun with your partner. You get to communicate, laugh, unwind, and have sex.
8. Bring back communication
It doesn’t even have to be sexual. We mean basic communication. We have all forms of social media, so we’re more disconnected than ever. Put down your phone and spend some time really talking to your partner.
9. Talk about your fantasies
Is there something that you want to try? Fantasies change over time, so express your sexual needs to your partner. Maybe you want to have sex in a car or get a blowjob in a movie theater.
10. Work on yourself
Maybe your lack of the right amount of sex in marriage is due to you. Maybe you feel insecure about your body or are going through mild depression. Whatever it is, it’s affecting your relationship.
You need to spend some time focusing on yourself so that you can be present in your relationship.
11. Throw in a quickie
You don’t have to have a scheduled sex time. Sometimes, to bring back the excitement, you have to be spontaneous. Wake up a little earlier before work and surprise them with a quickie.
You’ll see the after-effect.
12. Have fun with it
Maybe you’re both aware that you need more sex in your relationship, but don’t try to go about it all seriously. Sex is supposed to be fun. This shouldn’t feel like a chore or a stressful experience. Improve your sex life by incorporating sex toys, sex dates, or anything that you both enjoy.
You should be spending more time giggling, talking, and having fun.
13. Stay positive
Remember, passion needs work. It’s just a fact. Don’t get bummed out if the sex wasn’t amazing. It takes work and communication.
Keep yourself positive, and try to work with your partner on your sex lives. Leave your negativity out of the bedroom.
14. Stop negative feelings in your marriage
When we’ve been with someone for a long time, we forget to do the things we did when we first met them. This can cause negative feelings to creep in.
Banish those negative feelings by practicing positive affirmations about your partner, avoiding unfair comparisons, and releasing negative emotions through communication.
It will certainly affect how you feel about your partner in a good way.
15. Look and feel attractive at home
That doesn’t mean you should walk around all dolled up for a night out. It means you should wear something that makes you feel good about yourself. That way, you’re showing your partner your best side, and you’re feeling wonderful at the same time. Who knows? Having sex only once or twice a month could turn into a weekly or even daily habit!
16. Preserve the mystery
Allow yourself to be surprised without becoming annoyed about it, and surprise your partner regularly!
Life can become very monotonous if we allow it, and the same goes for sex after marriage. Keep things spicy with a little mystery.
17. Stop playing the no-sex blame game
Do you deliberately withhold sex when you’re annoyed with your partner? It’s understandable to a point, but if you’re constantly doing this to punish them for every little thing, it’s going to drastically affect your connection and your sex life.
Instead, communicate your issues and see where that gets you.
How to maintain a healthy sex life as you age
You might think that your sex life slowly dwindles and disappears as the years go by, but that doesn’t have to be the case! Now that you know how often couples should have sex, you have the information you need.
There are many ways to maintain a healthy sex life as you age, and here are a few ideas.
1. Keep talking sexy with your partner. It doesn’t end because you’re older!
2. Talk to your doctor if you’re having issues.
3. Expand your meaning of what you consider sex to be. It doesn’t always have to be penetration!
4. Switch up your sex routine to feel more comfortable.
5. Keep the romance alive to keep your sex life alive!
6. Use lube to add an extra dimension. This is especially useful for women who may experience vaginal dryness in older age.
7. Exercise! The more you exercise, the more flexible and supple you’ll be. This definitely helps with sex after marriage as you age.
Sex after marriage doesn’t have to dwindle
It’s easy to assume that everything becomes boring once you get married. That’s not true. Sex after marriage can be just as hot, if not hotter, than before!
You’re married to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That means you should feel comfortable and secure. Those are two ingredients for a fantastic sex life.
All you need to do is keep the communication alive and come up with sexy ways to spice things up. Make sex a priority, and it will never dwindle. If anything, it might happen more often!