How Does Sex Feel Like to Men And Women?

Sexual experiences can vary greatly from person to person, and there is no one “right” way that sex should feel. Some people may experience intense physical pleasure, while others may not feel much physical sensation at all. Emotions and psychological factors can also play a significant role in how sex feels.

For many people, sex can feel pleasurable and enjoyable. This is because sexual stimulation activates the body’s reward centers, triggering the release of feel-good chemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin. These chemicals can produce feelings of euphoria, relaxation, and closeness.

However, it’s important to remember that not everyone experiences sexual pleasure in the same way. Some people may have difficulty experiencing pleasure during sex due to physical or psychological factors. In addition, some people may experience pain or discomfort during sex, which can make it less enjoyable.

Ultimately, what sex feels like is highly personal and can depend on a variety of factors, including individual preferences, experiences, and physiological responses. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your sexual partner(s) about your needs, desires, and boundaries in order to have a positive and fulfilling sexual experience.

PSA: Everyone has a different definition of sex
It is absolutely true. Sex can mean different things to different people, and there is no one-size-fits-all definition of what it entails. Some people may define sex as vaginal or anal penetration, while others may consider it to include a broader range of sexual activities, such as oral sex or mutual masturbation. It’s important to communicate with your partner(s) about what sex means to you and what you are and aren’t comfortable with, so that everyone involved is on the same page and can have a positive and respectful sexual experience.
And no matter the definition, it feels different for everyone
Yes, that’s absolutely true. Even if people have a similar definition of sex, the physical and emotional experience can vary greatly from person to person. Some people may experience intense physical pleasure, while others may not feel much physical sensation at all. Emotions and psychological factors can also play a significant role in how sex feels. What feels good or pleasurable to one person may not necessarily feel the same way to another person. It’s important for individuals to explore their own bodies and communicate their needs and preferences with their sexual partner(s) in order to have a positive and fulfilling sexual experience.
But one thing is universal: It shouldn’t hurt (unless you want it to!)
Yes, that’s correct. Sex should not be painful unless you want it to be, and any pain or discomfort during sexual activity should be taken seriously. Pain during sex can be caused by a variety of factors, such as physical trauma, infections, medical conditions, or psychological issues. If you experience pain during sex, it’s important to talk to a healthcare provider to determine the underlying cause and develop a treatment plan. It’s also important to communicate openly and honestly with your sexual partner(s) about any pain or discomfort you experience, and to work together to find ways to make sexual activity comfortable and enjoyable for both parties.
If you’re having solo sex, it might feel like this
Solo sex, also known as masturbation, can feel different for different people. Some people may experience intense physical pleasure and orgasm, while others may not feel much physical sensation at all. Some people may use their hands or other objects to stimulate their genitals, while others may use sex toys or other devices.

During masturbation, the body’s reward centers are activated, triggering the release of feel-good chemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin. These chemicals can produce feelings of pleasure, relaxation, and stress relief. Masturbation can also provide a way for people to explore their bodies and learn about what feels good to them, which can enhance sexual experiences with a partner.

It’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to masturbate, and what feels good is highly personal and can vary from person to person. It’s important to explore your own body and communicate your needs and preferences with your sexual partner(s), if you have any, in order to have a positive and fulfilling sexual experience.

If you’re having partnered sex, it might feel like this
Partnered sex can feel different for different people and can depend on various factors such as the type of sexual activity, the sexual orientation, personal preferences, and emotional connection with the partner. During partnered sex, people can experience intense physical pleasure, emotional intimacy, and bonding. Sexual activity can trigger the release of endorphins, which can produce feelings of pleasure and euphoria. It can also create a sense of emotional closeness and intimacy with a partner. Partnered sex can involve a wide range of sexual activities, including kissing, touching, oral sex, vaginal or anal penetration, and the use of sex toys. People may have different preferences for what activities feel pleasurable, and it’s important for partners to communicate openly and honestly with each other about their needs and desires. It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience of partnered sex is unique and personal. It’s important to communicate with your partner(s) about your needs, desires, and boundaries in order to have a positive and fulfilling sexual experience. Additionally, it’s important to practice safe sex by using protection to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unintended pregnancies.
If you’re having multipartnered sex, it might feel like this

Multipartnered sex, also known as group sex, can involve three or more people engaging in sexual activity together. Multipartnered sex can involve a wide range of sexual activities, including kissing, touching, oral sex, vaginal or anal penetration, and the use of sex toys. People who engage in multipartnered sex may identify as polyamorous, swingers, or simply interested in exploring consensual non-monogamous sexual experiences.

During multipartnered sex, people can experience intense physical pleasure, emotional intimacy, and bonding with multiple partners. Sexual activity can trigger the release of endorphins, which can produce feelings of pleasure and euphoria. It can also create a sense of emotional closeness and intimacy with multiple partners.

It’s important to remember that multipartnered sex requires open and honest communication, as well as clear boundaries and consent from all parties involved. It’s important for partners to discuss their needs, desires, and boundaries with each other and to respect each other’s boundaries throughout the sexual experience. Safe sex practices should also be followed, including the use of protection to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unintended pregnancies.

It’s important to note that multipartnered sex is not for everyone, and people should only engage in sexual activities that they feel comfortable and safe with.

There are several things that can make sex of all kinds more pleasurable. Here are some tips:
  1. Communicate openly: Communication is key to having a positive and fulfilling sexual experience. Talk to your partner(s) about your needs, desires, and boundaries, and listen to theirs. Be willing to compromise and explore new things together.
  2. Focus on pleasure, not just orgasm: While orgasm can be a great part of sex, it’s not the only goal. Focus on enjoying the sensations and the experience of being intimate with your partner(s), rather than solely on reaching climax.
  3. Experiment with different techniques: Everyone’s body is different, and what feels good to one person may not feel good to another. Experiment with different techniques and positions to find what works for you and your partner(s).
  4. Use lubrication: Lubrication can make sex more comfortable and pleasurable. Experiment with different types of lubricants to find one that works for you and your partner(s).
  5. Practice self-care: Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being can also make sex more pleasurable. Get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and engage in regular exercise to boost your overall health and energy levels.
  6. Stay safe: Practicing safe sex is important to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unintended pregnancies. Use protection such as condoms and dental dams, and get regular STI testing if you are sexually active.

Remember, every person and every sexual encounter is unique, so what works for one person may not work for another. Be open, honest, and respectful with your partner(s), and focus on pleasure, communication, and mutual consent to create a positive and fulfilling sexual experience.

Forget any myths you may have learned
There are many myths and misconceptions about sex that can be harmful and misleading. Here are a few common myths and why they are untrue:
  1. Myth: Sex is only for reproduction. Fact: While sex can lead to reproduction, it is also a way to experience pleasure, intimacy, and emotional connection with a partner.
  2. Myth: Men always want sex, while women don’t. Fact: Sexual desire is not determined by gender, and people of all genders can have varying levels of sexual desire at different times.
  3. Myth: A woman can’t get pregnant during her period. Fact: It is possible to get pregnant during menstruation, although it is less likely. Sperm can live inside the body for several days, and ovulation can occur at different times in the menstrual cycle.
  4. Myth: Everyone orgasms from intercourse. Fact: Not everyone is able to orgasm from intercourse alone, and people can have different preferences for what types of sexual stimulation feel pleasurable.
  5. Myth: Masturbation is shameful or unhealthy. Fact: Masturbation is a natural and healthy way to explore one’s own body and sexual desires. There is no evidence that masturbation is harmful to one’s physical or mental health.

It’s important to seek out accurate information about sex and sexuality, and to challenge myths and misconceptions that can perpetuate harmful attitudes and behaviors. By learning the facts and embracing healthy attitudes towards sex, we can create a more positive and fulfilling sexual experience for ourselves and our partners.

Masturbate
Masturbation is a natural and healthy way to explore one’s own body and sexual desires. It can provide a safe and pleasurable sexual experience without the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or unintended pregnancies. Masturbation can also help reduce stress, improve sleep, and boost overall well-being.

To masturbate, a person can engage in various sexual activities alone, such as touching their genitals or using sex toys. It’s important to prioritize comfort, safety, and privacy when masturbating, and to take time to explore one’s own body and what feels pleasurable.

It’s important to note that everyone’s sexual desires and preferences are different, and there is no right or wrong way to masturbate. Some people may prefer to masturbate frequently, while others may not be interested in it at all. As with all sexual activities, consent and boundaries should be respected, even when masturbating alone.

If you have questions or concerns about masturbation or your sexual health, consider talking to a healthcare provider or a qualified sex educator for accurate information and guidance.

Quit performing!

PSA: You aren’t going to look like a porn performer while you get it on.

Porn performers, after all, are actors. Expecting your sex life to look like a porn performance would be like expecting an IRL surgery to look the way it does on “The ER.”

“When [we] perform in the bedroom, we end up in our heads thinking about how we’re performing, rather than in our bodies actually experiencing pleasure,” Tanner says.

“Thus, to have a more pleasurable sex life, we must challenge the myths of how we’re supposed to look in the bedroom.”

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Use your words

“Ask for exactly what you want,” says erotic educator Taylor Sparks, founder of Organic Loven, one of the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shops.

“Most partners want to please their beloved and want to know if something isn’t working so they can bring you more pleasure,” Sparks explains.

Some ways to express what you want in the moment:

  • “That feels so good!”
  • “Can you do the thing with your tongue you were doing a minute ago? That felt so good.”
  • “A little to the left.”
  • “Can you add in a finger?”
  • “A little slower…”

Communicate nonverbally, too

In addition to using your words, use your hands, hips, and legs to tell your partner what feels good!

For example, if you like the rhythm of their hips, wrap your legs around them. If you need more pressure, thread your fingers through their hair and pull them closer.

And if you don’t like what they’re doing, tilt your hips away.

Nonverbal communication can be easily misread, so it in and of itself usually isn’t enough — but when combined with verbal cues, it’s 100 percent effective.

If it’s your first time trying something, here’s how to prepare

No matter what you’re sexperimenting with, it can be helpful to think — or in the case of partnered play, talk — through e-x-a-c-t-l-y what you’re going to do.

This can help you figure out what props, tools, and barrier methods you need to put the plan into action. Plus, it’ll help manage expectations for all involved.

Finally, have at it! Communicate verbally and nonverbally, adapt or stop as needed, and have fun along the way.

If you try something and you’re not really into it

Be it with yourself or someone(s) else, every time you have sex you’re learning more information about yourself, your desires, and your body.

And that’s true whether you like what you just tried or not!

If you tried something and didn’t like it, ask yourself:

  1. What about that did I not enjoy?
  2. Were there any moments during that that I did enjoy?
  3. What would have to change in order for me to enjoy it?
  4. Is this something I think could feel more pleasurable with practice? Am I interested in practicing it?
If you experience unwanted pain or discomfort

Again, “pain is your body’s way of telling you that something isn’t right,” Tanner says.

If what you’re experiencing is rawness, chafing, or friction, try adding lube.

But “if you’re experiencing something more chronic, it’s best to work with a skilled practitioner,” Reeves says.

For example:

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  • a hands-on sexological bodyworker
  • somatic practitioner
  • pelvic floor therapist

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