Model Paulina Porizkova was married only once, to “The Cars” singer Ric Ocasek, from 1989 until his death in 2019.
Ultimately, the two had been estranged and were in the process of divorcing at the time of his sudden death.
On Thursday, Paulina shared a clip of her late husband on Instagram, discussing the first time she fell in love with him on a TV screen. After getting many questions from fans, she decided to create a new post to clarify their relationship.
Paulina Porizkova Remembers The ‘First Time’ She Fell In Love
In a heartfelt Instagram post on Thursday, Paulina shared a video of her latest husband. “This is when I fell in love,” she recalled. “It was 1984. I had just gotten moved into a new apartment (after narrowly escaping a house fire in which I lost all my possessions) and my new apartment was still pretty empty but a bed, my cat and my brand new MTV.”
“It was late at night. This video came on, and I was – spellbound,” she wrote. “The was his eyes that stopped me first. Turquoise. Like the shallows of a Caribbean ocean. But it was the smile, the hint of a smile that knocked me off my feet. He didn’t look like he smiled a lot. He looked like an otherworldly creature, an alien, a foreboding angel, all angles and long limbs, like he had secret black wings folded under his raincoat.”
“But that smile, that fraction of an almost apologetic smile, the uncertain smile of a boy, is what punctured me. I sat glued to the Tv, hoping for more,” she added. “Little did I know then, that only a few months later , that smile would be mine. It would be for me. It would be mine for thirty years.”
She then addressed Ric directly, adding, “I still miss you. I still cry when I think of you. I still cry when I speak of you. I hope I always will.”
Although some followers appreciated her vulnerable caption, others were confused. “But he didn’t value you the last of his years? And you value a lot,” one user commented. Paulina replied, “Things changed. The love didn’t.”
Paulina Recalls The Last Time That She Appeared In Public As ‘His Wife’
On Friday, Paulina followed up her original post with a new Instagram photo that showed her looking at the camera with a sorrowful expression.
“After yesterdays post, I feel like I want to clear a few misconceptions,” she wrote. “Ric and I had been separated for two years at the time of his death. We led separate lives while still living together.”
“At the Rock&Roll hall of fame induction, I appeared as his wife for the last time. I knew how much it meant to him, and I wanted to give him a perfect weekend as a parting gift,” she wrote, adding, “He was the only artist who didn’t thank his wife. We had already been separated for a year by then.”
“I thought we were navigating the end of our marriage with all the love we had for one another. It turned out- after his death- that we thought of it very differently,” she went on. “But he’s not here to repudiate or validate, so this is only my take on it.”
“I was deeply deeply hurt by his actions that came to light after his death- besides being flung into unexpected and horrifying grief,” she wrote. “All those who loved him are still in the process of assembling ourselves from beneath his shadow, whether it was a cooling gentle protection from the sun, or a cold dark spot.”
“I am not to be pitied as the saintly wife- nor reviled as the woman who walked away,” she added. “We all make mistakes. I’m fortunate to live on and learn and be a better person. My husband wasn’t so lucky.”
“To me the moral of the story is to love as much and as hard as possible, so when you have to exit this world, you’ll leave your loved ones with thousands of memories of love,” she concluding, reminding her fans, “I write about all this in my book. But it’s not a tell-all. I’m a good keeper of other peoples secrets. I’m unfiltered only when it comes to my own thoughts and feelings.”
Her new book, “No Filter,” hits bookshelves this November. nujm